question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
