I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
