i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
