I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
