Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need water and some morals
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
