Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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