just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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