Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
