She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
