You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
