your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
