What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
