I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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