Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize