I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
