I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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