Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize