It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
operation have a gay friend backfired
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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