I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
