i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
