My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
