I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
