Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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