Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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