so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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