fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
