so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
