nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
