So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
