Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Are my feet made of real feet?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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