She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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