We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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