I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
