a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
