okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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