I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
