I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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