you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
