She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
