all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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