piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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