they need to just BURY HIM!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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