In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
