I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
