Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
