awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
