Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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