I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can you bring me the toilet please
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
