suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
