Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He felt like a one man threesome
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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