The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
