I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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