Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
