would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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