Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
