i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
