ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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