It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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