She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The air taste purple.
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