This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
