I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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