Heybabeimwearingurpanties
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
