i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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