so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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