I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
