Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
