Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
