I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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