You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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