Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
