Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
