that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
