you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
