as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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