i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
